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The beginning of the year is a popular time to set goals and make positive changes.  But when talking with friends and colleagues, many tell me how they’ve failed one way or another in what they set out to achieve.  Why is that? Discover why New Year Resolutions fail, and how you can make yours a success.

You’re ready to turn over a new leaf.  It’s time.  The holidays are over, you’re 10 lbs. heavier, thanks to Santa the finances are a running a little tighter…the idea of jumping back into the same old routine does not sound appealing to you and it’s time to make some changes!  It’s time to purge the things that draw the life force from you, to reinvigorate and recharge your outlook on life. But notice that many are back to resetting the same goals they set for themselves this time last year? Why? Millions of people follow a similar cycle each year.  Why did their resolutions fail? I want to help you discover why your New Year Resolutions fail so you can avoid the same pitfalls and disappointments.  Here are some tips to ensure you get what you want out of the changes you seek.

How did I get here?

When one decides to quit smoking or lose weight or tackle their toxic relationships, it’s important to first become aware of the habits that resulted in the situation you find yourself in now.

A habit could be defined as “an automatic reaction to a specific situation.”

Many people will turn to a cigarette as an automatic reaction to stress… for many it’s alcohol, or decadent food.  You can probably name scores of automatic reactions to situations in life that in themselves lead to a non-optimum end. It’s important to identify what your habits are and handle any urgent repercussions caused by them.

Here comes the R word – Responsibility

Once you have identified the habits that have most likely served as short-term “solutions” to the stresses and challenges you face in life, it’s important to take responsibility for the broader picture.  Frankly, you are the only one who can genuinely improve your lot in life. Oftentimes the habits we develop are merely coping mechanisms for things we’re perhaps not managing well, or even neglecting.

One must take an honest look at the situations he himself is neglecting, condoning or even creating and use good old-fashioned self-discipline to straighten them out.  Long-term solutions are what we look for here.  Job sucks?  Find a better one.  Marriage falling apart?  Get some marriage counseling.  Bored? That can of beer may look good, but enough of them over time will not make you look good, to say nothing of your mental and spiritual state. Get up and go do something. Learn something. Help someone. The idle mind is the devil’s workshop.

You can’t just remove the unhealthy habits you’ve used to cope with all this time and ignore the underlying situation(s).  Avoid falling straight back into the same old habits you use as coping mechanisms and tackle what drives you to them.  That’s the target.

Reorganize.

You’re going to need to reorganize aspects of your life and groove in new routines that align with the long-term solutions you’ve put in place.  I like to spend time with people who inspire me and find out what their successful actions are.  They’re usually happy to share their insight with you and they offer very simple but powerful tips.  They will also look forward to supporting you, which can help keep you motivated in sticking to your New Year’s Resolutions.

Rules to live by

Let’s face it, old habits die hard and life will present you with plenty of invitations to sink back into them. Common sense rules to live by can help guide you through situations that beckon you back to the same rut you were in this time last year.

What will help remind you of your resolve to improve?  To serve as a flashing red light that you are entering a “relapse” zone?  Whatever it is, its purpose should be to prevent you from falling into the same old patterns.  You’ll need to set up some hard and fast rules to serve as a mantra to guide you through to success and caution you from heading off course.  Consider these your own personal “policies”.

Here are a few general and useful policies you may have been taught or picked up over time in your life.

1.     Treat others the way you wish to be treated.

2.     When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

3.     Don’t judge a book by its cover.

4.     Honesty is the best policy

A list like this can go on and on.

I have several key policies that guide me through the challenges of motherhood, being a wife, a coach, and just in life.  Many of them come from one of my favorite books The Way to Happiness – A Common Sense Guide to Better Living.

 

 

If you or someone you know needs help turning over a new leaf, call Carlie for a free consultation. Happy New Year!  714.264.4230

communication-tips-for-leaders

Communication Tips for Leaders

Communication tips for leaders is a very popular topic in today’s business world. Communication embraces every facet of life. In the arena of business, however, good communication is absolutely key for overall success.   Whether running a business or being employed by one, highly sensitive concerns are intrinsically connected to the success of that business. Family income (money, always a touchy subject), security, stature, and even one’s legacy – these are no small things. I want the best for you and your families and I want all your hard work to result in the best imaginable for you and yours. Communication will be at the heart of what will take you there.

What is Communication?

Communication – “The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior.” –American Heritage Dictionary

Let’s include that this interchange occurs from individual to individual, individual to group, group to individual, and group to group.

Poor communication is a detriment to the receiver and the sender.

I would like to start with this interesting point. Have you ever said something that you later regretted? Or wished you had said something when you didn’t? Of course you have, we all have. But isn’t it interesting that not only did your communication, or lack of it, create a negative impact on that person or group, but it also negatively impacted you because of it. Regret and embarrassment are probably of the milder impacts. I’m sure you can observe other or even more severe impacts brought upon oneself due to poor communication.

Looking at times when another has used poor communication with you (harsh accusation or criticism, impatience, etc.) you’ll find that not only did you feel degraded by it, but also it dropped your opinion of that person, essentially harming his repute. If an individual has a tendency to habitually communicate to others this way, he will have problems.

Work and life in general become difficult for those who have consistent errors in communication. And unless one becomes aware of and willing to correct them, the ramifications will continue to make things hard for him. Being as essential to life as it is, communication carries with it much responsibility.

Communication Tips For Leaders 101

So what, then, is good communication? Moreover, what does it mean to those in positions of leadership?

One study done by Cambridge University on Leadership Qualities says,

A leader’s influence increases with judgement (sense of direction) and ability to convey ideas (clarity of communication).”

Good communication creates understanding and clarity, higher levels of productivity and coordination, inspiration, sportsmanship… These would be very constructive uses of communication. Bad communication could easily be said to create chaos, the exact opposite. Here are some communication tips for leaders to help you in your important leadership role.

Leaders must communicate frequently and constructively. Those who view you as their leader await your communication. They look forward to it. You could say that a lack of your communication leaves them leaderless, which opens the door to all kinds of other problems, to say nothing of lost productivity. Consistently communicating goals, validating progress, continual strategy, and action plans are vital communications in leadership.

Company cancer.

Destructive communication must be touched upon here, as well. Harmful lies, slander, gossip… These would be the lowest echelon and are the product of fear, malice and envy. These things can destroy lives out in society. Within a business this type of communication divides the cohesiveness of a group, foments war within, and creates dangerous situations that put the group and individuals within it at risk.  Being able to identify the sources of this type of behavior is key in learning communication tips for leaders, as it can undermine all good efforts and must be put to rest.

Perfection is not always possible.

No one is perfect at communicating. Everyone has his or her moments and occasional lapses are expected from time to time. There is no shortage of invitations to become stressed or angry in the world we live in today. Even the most even-tempered individuals will be provoked and eventually lose composure. Fortunately, good people and good leaders tend to recognize when they err and will seek to make it right, so tolerance must give allowance for this process to take place.

In a position of leadership, one’s supporters will have a high tolerance for shortcomings and oversights on the part of their leader. And I would be willing to bet that their forgiveness increases in direct ratio with their leader’s ability to communicate effectively.

“Communication is the sister of leadership.” -John Adair

 

To learn more about powerful communication tips for leaders, call Carlie Dearborn for a free consultation at 714-264-4230.

successful-marriage-tips

Bob & Michele’s wedding in 1977

Guest blog post by Michele Ross

Here are some successful marriage tips I originally shared to my friends on Facebook.  Because I was avalanched with responses, I thought maybe I should share these successful marriage tips more broadly.  Enjoy!

May 1st 2014 was our 37th wedding anniversary.  Goodness, has it been that long? We chose May 1st because it is Lei Day in Hawaii and brought fond memories of my childhood there. I thought when we hit 25 that was really something, and of course by today’s standards, it was! So here we are 12 years later at #37. Wow. We feel blessed and proud to have gotten here.

So how does one manage to hit such a milestone? I’m trying to figure it out myself! It really does not feel like 37 years at all. I know one thing’s for sure, its an adventure and it’s work. Here are my musings on a few things that have worked for us… if anyone cares to listen to an old married lady.

Here Are My Successful Marriage Tips

 

1. WE DECIDED.
We started out as hippies and rebels. Our wedding was not a traditional American wedding. In fact it was a Hindu ceremony. Non-traditional though it was, we’ve always felt we made a promise to each other. We made a firm decision back then that stuck, and we continue to decide to keep it. We took responsibility for one another and decided to see it through. There have been many, many times each of us wanted to change our minds. Many times we thought “Oh hell! That was dumb!”, but we’ve always changed it back. Have we made all each other’s dreams come true? Oh, hell no! But we’ve made many of them come true, and we continue to work together on new ones all the time. Now if my husband had turned out to be a drug dealer or an ax murderer I would have had no qualms in making a change, but thankfully he was no such thing. One cannot expect a good crop if one is constantly wandering to new fields. We planted our seeds and saw to the crops we had sown, then worked new fields together. Everyone has their own decisions to make, but that is what we decided.

2. WE’RE VERY GOOD FRIENDS & WE CULTIVATE OUR FRIENDSHIP.
We agree on enough things to make it work. We don’t agree on everything. There have been times when we actually freaked people out because we’d have a roaring argument about some difference of opinion… politics, money, food etc. We’re quite capable of having an impassioned debate. People didn’t always know that we simply did this from time to time and that we are quite capable of having a wild discussion of ideas and then dropping it and happily moving on to the next thing. We do like to spend time in each other’s company. We can drive for hours (and often do) and talk the whole time or simply say nothing for miles and miles. We can have it either way and be very comfortable and secure in each other’s presence. There are many little things that annoy us about the other all the time. So what! Those are small things most of the time. The bigger things we recognize and cherish. After many years together, it’s also quite cool to have a partner who knows your history because he’s been there for most of it. When I say “Do you remember that person…..?” He does, because he was there, and I do the same for him. There’s something wonderful about that, and the sharing of mutual long time friends as well.

3. WE SUPPORT EACH OTHER IN OUR INDIVIDUAL PASSIONS.
Bob has always, always validated and supported my love of and time put into the arts. Not once has he ever said it’s trivial, silly or criticized the area. I made a pact with him years ago on road trips. I said I want to be able to stop the car at any time if I want to photograph, sketch something, or take a side road for the hell of it just to explore. I had a father who would not even stop for bathroom stops and this was a big deal for me. This is just one of many examples of his constant encouragement and validation of what is important to me. In return, Bob’s passion for scuba diving, guns, certain political and humanitarian activities are whole-heartedly supported by me even if I don’t fully understand them at the time. We also allow one another the space to create our individual interests without requiring any input from the other. If I want to go do something that I know isn’t Bob’s thing, I go find someone to do it with or get quite comfortable being alone and vice versa. We don’t expect each other to be our entertainment all the time. There are also things that we do just because it will make the other happy even though it might not be our own thing. This is part of the give and take or “exchange” in the relationship.  Any successful marriage tips should include this type of support for one another.

4. WE LEARN NEW SKILLS AND DO MAINTENANCE AS NEEDED
For us, this has been counseling and training at our church when needed and airing any transgressions we had against one another or the relationship in a safe supportive environment. Long ago we agreed to make sure we made time to create space to completely and safely communicate anything at all to one another, and this was the best way to do it. This also gave us the experience, stability and training to do it for ourselves when needed. We did courses on communication, finance and other things together to give us stability and make sure we were on the same page. In addition, we made time to have dates even when we had no money. Coffee at McDonald’s or picnics when that was all we could afford. Times when we give each other our full attention without any distraction from phones, children when they were little, television, computers etc. etc. It’s amazing what absolute full undivided attention can do for a relationship, and it doesn’t take much time as long as its full attention. People spend time and money to maintain their cars, their homes, their own bodies,their computers and gadgets and forget to run maintenance on their relationships, but it is so very important.

5. WE CIRCLE OUR WAGONS AND GUARD WHO IS ALLOWED INTO OUR INNER CIRCLE.
We don’t talk about our relationship challenges with others unless they are chosen advisers, or trusted family and friends that might be affected. Anytime we’ve violated that it has been destructive. There’s no reason to talk about our personal challenges with anyone who cannot actually help us, and certainly not with people who have no reality on us or our relationship or any experience and expertise to contribute. There are just a very few people that I would discuss my husband with in any meaningful way. Our laundry does not need to be aired and anytime that either of us have felt inclined to do so, or to complain about the other, it has always been because the person wanting to complain is actually the person who has done something wrong. Since we both know that truth, it makes it easy for us to find and fix what is happening. This advice rule especially applied to taking advice on marriage, children, or money. The first rule was never take advice from someone with a poor or non-existent personal track record in the area. I learned early not to take advice on rearing children from non-parents. No offense to my non-parent friends, it was just something we decided that has saved us much time and worked for us. Same for seeking advice on relationships from someone with a poor relationship record-it just didn’t make sense. It is also not cool to offer unsolicited advice to others either when they haven’t asked for it, we try not to do that. Even if the other might be wrong, we do not correct each other in public on important matters. This is one I had to learn, and my husband deserves medals for getting through my learning curve! It is still something I work on. Bottom line is, share only good news about your relationship with most people and keep your own counsel, and choose any trusted advisers or mentors very carefully. Anyone betraying our trust is handled individually, or dropped quietly. We guard each other’s backs and take disputes up privately. We try to broadcast only funny or good news about ourselves.

6. LAUGH & PLAY TOGETHER
We laugh a lot! Even in moments of stress. I laugh at his dumb jokes and he laughs when I burn dinner. I laugh when he forgets to take out the garbage and he laughs when I lose my glasses and has to find them for me. We laugh at ourselves and at each other’s foibles. We cultivate a sense of humor and don’t sweat the small stuff. We don’t cultivate any humor that is degrading or demeaning to one another. We create games to play with each other and have friendly competitions at times. We’re always encouraging each other to smile and laugh, one cannot have too much of that.

7. WE ALWAYS PUT EACH OTHER FIRST, EVEN BEFORE CHILDREN AND FAMILY.
I used to tell our boys, “Your Dad comes first because he was here first. Without him, there would be no you in the family. As long as he and I put each other first then we have the strength together to put the two of you 2nd.” This may not work for everyone, but it worked well for us. We had more to give them as a united couple. We also knew one day our kids would be grown, and it would be, God willing, back to just the two of us. In addition, neither of us put our families (parents and siblings) before the other. That way we’ve been able to have the support of the other in relating to our families. Bob’s support through the deaths of each of my parents for example was absolute and vice versa. Personally I think that came from the strength of our commitment to one another and without that basic agreement things can get a little weird. It’s the same with our grown children, they are not in competition with my husband, which allows us together to make them a priority. I also expect each of my sons to make their own partners their first priority, and we encourage them to do so.We have awesome sons and though we cannot take all the credit, I think the above helped.

8. WE PUT PEOPLE AND TIME TOGETHER BEFORE THINGS.
I always told Bob “I’m a less homes, more gardens & travels kind of girl.” I only need enough home to create a home base from which to operate and leave my things. This might be because I’m a military brat who moved a lot. I have plenty of nice “things” and I love my home filled with family heirlooms and memories, but I’d rather collect experiences than things. Before we had kids I was a clean freak. I drove Bob nuts when anything was out of place. Well that doesn’t work so well with children, and I soon learned that spending time with husband and kids was more important than a spotless home. The dishes can wait until toddlers are in bed, guests leave, or you’ve had that glass of wine on the porch with your mate. We also made it more important to DO things together than to have the newest furniture or gadgets. I’d much rather spend money on a trip to Hawaii or Colorado than have a new sofa or floor, and fortunately he would too. I don’t remember all my sofa’s nearly as fondly as I do time spent traveling together as a family or couple. It’s the same with going out to eat. Though we’ve enjoyed many meals at many fine restaurants, I’d rather spend the money on a couple of tanks of gas and pack a picnic to eat on a mountain trail or sit at the rim of the Grand Canyon.Fortunately he feels the same way. Flowers? Absolutely, but this lady prefers a living plant I can stick in the ground! Adventures? Yes! We’ve had many big ones, in many countries, but it’s the weekly and monthly ones that keep us going. Time and experiences together are the most precious.

9. WE CULTIVATE GOOD MANNERS WITH EACH OTHER.
We say please and thank you. We say hello when we get home, good morning when we wake up, goodnight when we go to bed, and good by when we leave. We acknowledge each other. There are very few meals Bob hasn’t thanked me for, and there are very few chores I haven’t thanked him for. It sets the tone of mutual validation and appreciation and makes daily life so much more pleasant.

10. TIPS FOR THE LADIES:
I’m not a man, so these are merely the observations of a woman with a husband and two grown sons. Take it or leave it as you will.

A. It has been my observation that men don’t generally like unsolicited advice. I learned this the hard way. As wives and moms we’re so involved in solving everyone’s problems all the time that it becomes a habit to tell everyone what to do! since I’ve been a manager or executive most of my working life, this was especially hard to learn it does not work at home. I had to learn to remove from my vocabulary the words “I think what you should do is…..” and learn to ask instead “What do you think you should do?” or, “Do you need or want anything from me on this?” I actually practiced it in front of a mirror for awhile. It doesn’t matter if you’re right or you have the answer, that is simply not the point. It has no value unless they asked for it.

B. Conversely, I let my partner know when I DON’T want him to solve my problem but simply want to be listened to. Men usually feel compelled to solve things for us even when that’s not what we want. Well at least my men do. They don’t know when I just want to be heard and acknowledged if I don’t tell them.We gals talk an awful lot and I know for me, part of my working something out has to do with being able to talk to someone who will just listen. I had to learn to clue Bob into this, so now I let him know when I just want him to listen and let me know I’ve been heard but not try to solve something for me. He also now knows to ask first.

SUMMARY:

I feel truly blessed to have such a long time loyal friend and mate in Bob. People who see how different we often are on the surface don’t usually understand what our relationship is really about, and that’s also fine with us. How could others know the real agonies and ecstasies we’ve been through together or the death-beds we’ve nursed each other back from? There were times over the years when we had “friends” advise us to split up. It’s funny but that advice usually came from people with no experience or a poor relationship record. That policy about who we take advice from on certain subjects has come in very handy over the years. Could things have been different? I’m sure they could have. Did we each give things up to be with and remain with one another? Absolutely. One thing neither of us has had to give up though is our own personal integrity or core values and that is a vital thing to consider in any relationship, personal or otherwise.In the last year, we have had several friends who have lost their long-time partners. My heart goes out to them. The loss of some of these friends has left a gap in our mutual histories and lives. My husband is 9 years older than me, so I pray we still have many years together, we count each day and week as precious and try not to get too serious about it all.Everyone is different so I cannot tell people how to get to this milestone nor can I presume that others want to. I can only share a little of our journey and which successful marriage tips have worked for us. I can tell you that its quite lovely to have an old friend and lover by my side after all these years, one who knows me so very well, does the best he can, and whom I can count on for the important things. That is quite a nice thing.

Thank you my love for being such a grand and steady partner and friend!

Michele

Note:  Bob read this nodding and smiling :) I would never publish this if there was something he didn’t agree with, even though I AM the loudmouth in this partnership!!

To see more from Michele on life and art, visit her website:  http://michelerossartist.blogspot.com/

Photo permission granted by Bob & Michele Ross

Learn To Manage Your Time Better

On December 3, 2013, in personal development, Stress, by carlie

Are you always hard-pressed for time? Do you always find yourself scampering to meet deadlines? Have you ever been told you need to learn to manage your time better? Answering yes to these questions may indicate your inability to enjoy life for which you work so hard. The new-age smart phones, tablets and their accompanying apps, although handy, are not making life easier necessarily – they do help us to get things done through reminders and such, but still we face a scarcity of time.

Time management is about getting the most out of your time. If somebody tells you that time management techniques “don’t work”, he or she is partly correct! Sure, some techniques may not be realistic, but really it is we who are to blame for their failure. There are actual barriers. Some nicely placed somewhere between our two ears. These may prevent one from sticking to a goal, schedule or suchlike. Learning about time management skills is alright. But learning to use the time management skills is the real game changer. In fact, the application of skills learned to control your time can give you the freedom from unwanted stress and related anxieties.

There are a number of remarkable tricks to manage clock time. Here are two time management tricks that always work:

Organize yourself

Clock doesn’t stop for anyone. Discipline yourself. That will help you in starting, changing, and ending a work cycle properly, and in time. Fulfill your obligations. If you start something, finish it. If you can’t, don’t leave it incomplete for long. Put it to a conclusive end, or else it will haunt you later!

Setting priorities is the first step to manage time

Make a list of the things that you do or want to get done in the future. Keep aside the ones that don’t need immediate attention. Don’t put too much attention on the least important ones – better simply cross them out. You won’t believe the relief you are going to get by dumping the unnecessary items from the list!

Like I mentioned before, application is the key to managing or controlling time. And if you feel there are barriers that you are unable to get through, call me! With simple techniques available in short and effective courses and with one-on-coaching, together we will get you enjoying life by getting the most out of your time. Besides, “He who gains time, gains everything,” said the two-time Prime Minister of England, Benjamin Disraeli. So true!

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Weight Loss vs. Wellness

Written by Lori Eber, Wellness Coach

For many of the two-thirds of Americans who are overweight or obese, maintaining a healthy weight is a lifelong battle somewhat akin to molting. Although they are able to muster the willpower to deprive themselves and lose excess baggage, they simply can’t maintain their hard earned weight loss. They may be overlooking the three strategies that are critical to maintaining weight loss and health.

The 100 million Americans who are dieting at any given time often have multiple wardrobes to accommodate their see-saw girth. When they can no longer zip up their “fat jeans,” it’s time to shed again. While calorie restrictive regimens and other quick weight loss schemes often work, they are only a temporary reprieve from the fat suit, which almost always reappears, oftentimes in a larger size.

This never ending quest to lose weight supports a $20 billion industry.  Hope springs eternal despite repeated failures. We want to believe that somehow, some day we will find a way to recapture our high school physique.

There are more weight loss schemes than cockroaches in New York City apartments. Nutrisystem will sell you pre-packaged meals so you don’t have figure out what to put in your mouth. A new diet seems to pop up every day. The latest darlings are the fast diet, the paleo diet, the cabbage soup diet, and the master cleanse. So many people have jumped on the gluten-free bandwagon that it has exploded into a $4.4 billion per year industry, despite overwhelming evidence that shunning wheat products does not promote weight loss. Shop at GNC or Whole Foods and you’ll find an astounding array of pills which supposedly melt fat away.  Unfortunately, the only long-lasting effect of any of these strategies is to lighten your bank account.

While calories in/calories out is the undeniable metric, people who want to banish excess pounds often inadvertently undermine their valiant efforts by overlooking the three indispensable elements which hold the key to ending the yo-yo dieting syndrome.

Here’s what you need to do: (1) eat breakfast every day, (2) get adequate shut eye, and (3) make exercise a part of everyday life.

Thirty-one million Americans skip breakfast every day. Some say they aren’t hungry in the morning, while others are just too busy to give their body the fuel it needs to get going. But don’t fool yourself. This is not a way to “save calories.” On the contrary. That donut in the office kitchen will pop into your mouth or you’ll opt for the greasy burger place for lunch and super-size it.

More than a dozen studies document the association between eating a healthy breakfast and weight control. Breaking the fast in the morning yields other benefits too, including healthier food choices throughout the day and an improved ability to think straight and concentrate.

Do you try to pack more into your busy day by trying to scrape by on four hours sleep? Think again. Lack of sleep and being overweight are inextricably linked. Scientists have identified a brain chemical—adenosine—responsible for promoting sleepiness. Without sufficient rest, this substance does not fully flush out of our system and we still feel sluggish. When our bodies are sleep deprived, we crave high calorie, high fat foods. In a recent study, bleared-eyed subjects consumed 600 more calories per day than those who had slept eight hours.

The third critical component that will cause you to smile when you hop off the scale is consistent exercise. Of the 10,000 people being tracked by the National Weight Control Registry, 90% of them exercise for an hour every day. Many experts believe that regular exercise may be more critical to preventing the excess weight from creeping back on than to losing the weight in the first place. And you don’t have to kill yourself. Walking at a brisk pace is effective.

Give these three weight maintenance strategies a try. You’ll only need one wardrobe and you’ll never have to go through another molting season.

 

 
self-confidence-issues

Learn How To Deal With Self Confidence Issues

Addressing self-confidence issues is about restoring your faith in your own thoughts and actions. Left unhandled, a lack of confidence can manifest into unemployment, strained relationships, drug abuse, divorce, depression, anxiety, alcoholism, and other problems that are easy to see in society today.

It’s no breaking news that we live in a competitive and often unsympathetic world.  Even the strongest can find themselves struggling with low self confidence.

Your environment versus you

We live in a dangerous environment in which we are sort of forced to live and raise our children with little or no alternative.

But what is the connection between self-confidence and this dangerous environment? Let’s take a closer look at this.  Well, most of us are good people, trying to live a decent life. Yet, there are others – at least a few – who are doing their best to create problems for others. With these problematic people around, productive actions somehow don’t bring the desired results. Things just start looking too “complicated.” In a way, you start doubting your own abilities to achieve anything. Now, isn’t that losing self-confidence?

Recognizing these toxic elements are an important part of the many solutions to a dangerous environment.

Learn the tools to build self-confidence

You see, while counseling and training people as a Life Coach in Orange County, CA, I regularly meet people who are unable to find the real reason behind going downhill in life. Some are even not aware that they have zero self-confidence!

Fortune favors the bold. You too can claim your self-confidence back. Usually, through private coaching and training, a person can gain this know-how with tools to build self-confidence and start noticing a marked improvement in their attitude toward life. The first and foremost benefit of regaining self-confidence is that you become resilient to difficulties with little likelihood of giving in to despair.

With professional counseling, you would notice that your faith in your abilities become stronger. You become more willing to take risks, become more creative, efficient, and the list goes on. As your self-confidence grows your ability to manage relationships also improves. You start feeling happy overall and so attract happy and confident people around you – an indicator of good social life.

You can learn the tools to build self-confidence.  And you can flourish the way you want to.

Call 714-264-4230 for a free 1-hour consultation and get started today.

The Power Of Music

On August 2, 2013, in Uncategorized, by carlie
Written by Blake Carver

The power of music basically boils down to one thing: The ability to instantly trigger an emotional response.

power-of-music

The Power of Music

When you stop and think about it, this thing called music has some very peculiar properties. It can’t be physically touched as a solid object or even be seen by the naked eye. In fact, you can’t even experience it in the first place unless you utilize a separate piece of equipment to create the physical sound waves needed to perceive it (your iPod, car stereo etc.). It’s barley tangible, yet is one of the broadest points of agreement amongst the general population.

The Power Of Music On Our Emotions

The main reason for this is because when experienced, music has the power to instantly spark a seemingly endless range and combination of emotional responses in the listener. It can drive you down into the pits of sadness or rocket you up to the highest heights of euphoric happiness and everything in between. And from those emotions come their relative physiological responses. The tears, the chills, the heart-pounding excitement–Music can literally change your own body’s reactions moment to moment and it’s completely out of your control. Now that’s power.

Having a keen understanding of what causes these reactions, one could then theoretically use music to create a desired emotional response in others. This is what the composer does. Much in the same way an oil painter carefully selects and blends his or her pigments, a good composer carefully selects and blends the various musical colors, textures, and rhythms to create a sonic landscape of emotional triggers. This ability particularly comes in handy when trying to convey the emotion of something occurring on-screen.

Whether it’s a simple YouTube video or an Oscar-winning feature film, the composer is there to guide the viewer on exactly how to feel during any given on-screen moment. The way you feel while watching something is determined in no small part by the intention and artistry of the composer. This is one aspect of the power of music.

Composition & The Power Of Music

When I compose the music for a film or video production, I first start out by asking myself how exactly I want the viewer to feel during a particular scene. What emotional responses would best assist in telling the story? Should the audience feel inspired? Should they feel uneasy at first but arrive to a “feel-good” resolution? Should they be in a heart-pounding state of suspense? Euphoric happiness perhaps? Once this is determined, I can then lay down the musical colors, textures, and rhythms that have historically best triggered those emotions (it is interesting to note that sad and happy music universally sounds sad and happy to most everyone on the planet).

Even the absence of music is a careful choice and can create some very interesting effects. The power of music truly is power, and with that power comes responsibility. If the scene is highlighting the innovative new product or service of a small business, you had better not compose the music of a zombie flick–Unless of course, they’re in the zombie business.

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Orange County Alcohol Rehab Services

On July 23, 2013, in Uncategorized, by carlie
Orange County Alcohol Rehab Services

The Orange County Alcohol Rehab Path

When you are in need of Orange County Alcohol Rehab services it is important to retain the services of someone who is not only competent in dealing with alcoholism, but has the compassion to see the person through a medical detox, full rehab program, and after-care plan.

According to Wikipedia, alcoholism “is generally used to mean compulsive and uncontrolled consumption of alcoholic beverages, usually to the detriment of the drinker’s health, personal relationships, and social standing.”

Alcoholism is a serious problem which is a bigger problem in Orange County, CA than most would suspect. Its damage is usually undervalued with the issues of drug addiction taking the center stage. However, alcohol dependency is often more serious than just getting drunk. Heavy or binge drinking has shattered families, ruined lives and spoiled careers.

Alcohol dependency or an addiction to the consumption of liquor leads to expensive medical conditions, emotional breakdown, financial problems, and even a violent disposition. Alcoholic beverages affect every organ in the body as it is immediately absorbed into the bloodstream.

The ill-effects of alcohol abuse and alcoholism are clear. As a certified Life Coach who has worked in the field of detox, the issue I would like to address is how to rehabilitate the person back to health and happiness. My Orange County alcohol rehab knowledge and resources are extensive.

Learn to deal with alcoholism

With proper guidance and dedication one can definitely learn to stay away from alcohol. The good news is that there is a well-researched therapy consisting of one-on-one counseling, coaching and training available to handle alcoholism in Orange County, CA.

By consulting a professional counselor to deal with alcoholism you can save your own precious life, and the lives of those around you.  If you’re willing to overcome alcohol addiction and get professional therapy, no matter how bad the addiction – help is just a phone call away.

My job as a counselor is to make you understand the real reason behind alcoholism. Believe it or not, it is often the case that the reason you thought you became dependent upon and addicted to alcohol is totally different than what you have come to believe.

Get started on the road to recovery today!

Marriage Counseling Orange County CA – Have you spent months, even years, in a marriage that is suffering?

marriage counseling orange county caMore and more couples across America are divorcing as a short-cut to avoid marital stress. If you are trying to deal with a bad marriage, contacting a marriage counselor in your area for assistance may give you respite and could save your marriage.

Choosing the right partner to live with entire life is one of the most crucial decisions individuals make. The quality of marriage does impact your happiness and overall well-being. Professional marriage counseling can provide you with workable solutions, and particularly with a marriage counselor who doesn’t only talk to you about your marital woes, but who also trains you in relationship-building skills. This really can ensure that you have a long-lasting and satisfying marriage.

At times, one or both or partners can be reluctant to make certain vital commitments or, through his/her actions, break the trust between each other. A personal marriage coach can help advise you on the right course of action so you feel certain on how to move forward in a way that is effective and makes sense.

As a professional marriage counselor in Orange County, CA, I recommend pre-marital counseling to avoid any difficulties in the future. Before you marry, it would be wise of you to understand cultural values, religious views, personal habits, lifestyle, inhibitions, financial standing, acceptability to likes and dislikes, having children and so on.

Specialist In Marriage Counseling Orange County CA

Marriage counseling with a certified counselor in the Orange County area can also help you come out of the trauma of failed or unsuccessful marriage. Good coaching can help you restore confidence in the opposite sex, preparing you for a fulfilling married life ahead. As well, I offer marriage courses that help give couples important skills in building a successful marriage.

Further, I firmly believe that improper marital break-up, divorce or separation can have a very detrimental impact on children. Marital struggle and ongoing unresolved issues leave a negative impact on a child’s mental state. If you miss the usual sparkle in your married life and want it back, contact me for a free consultation.  I can help.

Please visit my page regarding marriage: Marriage Counseling Orange County CA

 

Achieving Your Goals In Life

On July 15, 2013, in motivation, by carlie

achieving your goals in lifeI’m sure there are goals that you dream about, or maybe there’s one that keeps you up at night. Achieving your goals in life can only be a reality when you begin to learn vital things about yourself and life.

The problem starts when a goal starts to worry you. You have one or more such goals, almost everyone does. Life poses problems and many of us find the problems a bit too daunting to carry forward in the direction of our dreams. All too often our efforts come to naught. The end result: Failure.

Now let’s go back a few days or a few weeks or a couple of months or, maybe, a couple of years. Do you remember the time when the same goal (the one you worry about now) used to bring a sparkle to your eyes?

Successful people begin by envisioning the goals they want. The idea of achieving goals in life is what keeps the fire burning in our hearts. Simply put, your goals define your life. Yes, they are that important! Many of us dare to think big and even outside-the-box. Yet, it is not uncommon to see people failing to complete projects or giving up goals completely.

Practical Tools In Achieving Your Goals In Life

A comprehensive study has been done to understand the reasons behind the failures to achieving your goals in life. Not only that, the study reveals practical tools so you can take on the challenges that come in the way of attaining your goals. An individual should seek private coaching and classes that in a very short time can give them the tools they need to achieve their goals.

Over 10 years ago, I took on the mantle to get professional training in these very tools after finding great success in my own life by applying them. I earned professional certification in the said training and started practicing as a counselor in Orange County, CA.

As a working woman with a loving family, I understand the demanding nature of issues faced in day-to-day life. My experience as a Life Coach has enabled me to help a number of people striving for their ideals by striking a balance between their work and personal life.

If you are finding the going tough, please call me and I will help you in achieving your goals in life.

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