Guest blog post by Michele Ross
Here are some successful marriage tips I originally shared to my friends on Facebook. Because I was avalanched with responses, I thought maybe I should share these successful marriage tips more broadly. Enjoy!
May 1st 2014 was our 37th wedding anniversary. Goodness, has it been that long? We chose May 1st because it is Lei Day in Hawaii and brought fond memories of my childhood there. I thought when we hit 25 that was really something, and of course by today’s standards, it was! So here we are 12 years later at #37. Wow. We feel blessed and proud to have gotten here.
So how does one manage to hit such a milestone? I’m trying to figure it out myself! It really does not feel like 37 years at all. I know one thing’s for sure, its an adventure and it’s work. Here are my musings on a few things that have worked for us… if anyone cares to listen to an old married lady.
Here Are My Successful Marriage Tips
1. WE DECIDED.
We started out as hippies and rebels. Our wedding was not a traditional American wedding. In fact it was a Hindu ceremony. Non-traditional though it was, we’ve always felt we made a promise to each other. We made a firm decision back then that stuck, and we continue to decide to keep it. We took responsibility for one another and decided to see it through. There have been many, many times each of us wanted to change our minds. Many times we thought “Oh hell! That was dumb!”, but we’ve always changed it back. Have we made all each other’s dreams come true? Oh, hell no! But we’ve made many of them come true, and we continue to work together on new ones all the time. Now if my husband had turned out to be a drug dealer or an ax murderer I would have had no qualms in making a change, but thankfully he was no such thing. One cannot expect a good crop if one is constantly wandering to new fields. We planted our seeds and saw to the crops we had sown, then worked new fields together. Everyone has their own decisions to make, but that is what we decided.
2. WE’RE VERY GOOD FRIENDS & WE CULTIVATE OUR FRIENDSHIP.
We agree on enough things to make it work. We don’t agree on everything. There have been times when we actually freaked people out because we’d have a roaring argument about some difference of opinion… politics, money, food etc. We’re quite capable of having an impassioned debate. People didn’t always know that we simply did this from time to time and that we are quite capable of having a wild discussion of ideas and then dropping it and happily moving on to the next thing. We do like to spend time in each other’s company. We can drive for hours (and often do) and talk the whole time or simply say nothing for miles and miles. We can have it either way and be very comfortable and secure in each other’s presence. There are many little things that annoy us about the other all the time. So what! Those are small things most of the time. The bigger things we recognize and cherish. After many years together, it’s also quite cool to have a partner who knows your history because he’s been there for most of it. When I say “Do you remember that person…..?” He does, because he was there, and I do the same for him. There’s something wonderful about that, and the sharing of mutual long time friends as well.
3. WE SUPPORT EACH OTHER IN OUR INDIVIDUAL PASSIONS.
Bob has always, always validated and supported my love of and time put into the arts. Not once has he ever said it’s trivial, silly or criticized the area. I made a pact with him years ago on road trips. I said I want to be able to stop the car at any time if I want to photograph, sketch something, or take a side road for the hell of it just to explore. I had a father who would not even stop for bathroom stops and this was a big deal for me. This is just one of many examples of his constant encouragement and validation of what is important to me. In return, Bob’s passion for scuba diving, guns, certain political and humanitarian activities are whole-heartedly supported by me even if I don’t fully understand them at the time. We also allow one another the space to create our individual interests without requiring any input from the other. If I want to go do something that I know isn’t Bob’s thing, I go find someone to do it with or get quite comfortable being alone and vice versa. We don’t expect each other to be our entertainment all the time. There are also things that we do just because it will make the other happy even though it might not be our own thing. This is part of the give and take or “exchange” in the relationship. Any successful marriage tips should include this type of support for one another.
4. WE LEARN NEW SKILLS AND DO MAINTENANCE AS NEEDED
For us, this has been counseling and training at our church when needed and airing any transgressions we had against one another or the relationship in a safe supportive environment. Long ago we agreed to make sure we made time to create space to completely and safely communicate anything at all to one another, and this was the best way to do it. This also gave us the experience, stability and training to do it for ourselves when needed. We did courses on communication, finance and other things together to give us stability and make sure we were on the same page. In addition, we made time to have dates even when we had no money. Coffee at McDonald’s or picnics when that was all we could afford. Times when we give each other our full attention without any distraction from phones, children when they were little, television, computers etc. etc. It’s amazing what absolute full undivided attention can do for a relationship, and it doesn’t take much time as long as its full attention. People spend time and money to maintain their cars, their homes, their own bodies,their computers and gadgets and forget to run maintenance on their relationships, but it is so very important.
5. WE CIRCLE OUR WAGONS AND GUARD WHO IS ALLOWED INTO OUR INNER CIRCLE.
We don’t talk about our relationship challenges with others unless they are chosen advisers, or trusted family and friends that might be affected. Anytime we’ve violated that it has been destructive. There’s no reason to talk about our personal challenges with anyone who cannot actually help us, and certainly not with people who have no reality on us or our relationship or any experience and expertise to contribute. There are just a very few people that I would discuss my husband with in any meaningful way. Our laundry does not need to be aired and anytime that either of us have felt inclined to do so, or to complain about the other, it has always been because the person wanting to complain is actually the person who has done something wrong. Since we both know that truth, it makes it easy for us to find and fix what is happening. This advice rule especially applied to taking advice on marriage, children, or money. The first rule was never take advice from someone with a poor or non-existent personal track record in the area. I learned early not to take advice on rearing children from non-parents. No offense to my non-parent friends, it was just something we decided that has saved us much time and worked for us. Same for seeking advice on relationships from someone with a poor relationship record-it just didn’t make sense. It is also not cool to offer unsolicited advice to others either when they haven’t asked for it, we try not to do that. Even if the other might be wrong, we do not correct each other in public on important matters. This is one I had to learn, and my husband deserves medals for getting through my learning curve! It is still something I work on. Bottom line is, share only good news about your relationship with most people and keep your own counsel, and choose any trusted advisers or mentors very carefully. Anyone betraying our trust is handled individually, or dropped quietly. We guard each other’s backs and take disputes up privately. We try to broadcast only funny or good news about ourselves.
6. LAUGH & PLAY TOGETHER
We laugh a lot! Even in moments of stress. I laugh at his dumb jokes and he laughs when I burn dinner. I laugh when he forgets to take out the garbage and he laughs when I lose my glasses and has to find them for me. We laugh at ourselves and at each other’s foibles. We cultivate a sense of humor and don’t sweat the small stuff. We don’t cultivate any humor that is degrading or demeaning to one another. We create games to play with each other and have friendly competitions at times. We’re always encouraging each other to smile and laugh, one cannot have too much of that.
7. WE ALWAYS PUT EACH OTHER FIRST, EVEN BEFORE CHILDREN AND FAMILY.
I used to tell our boys, “Your Dad comes first because he was here first. Without him, there would be no you in the family. As long as he and I put each other first then we have the strength together to put the two of you 2nd.” This may not work for everyone, but it worked well for us. We had more to give them as a united couple. We also knew one day our kids would be grown, and it would be, God willing, back to just the two of us. In addition, neither of us put our families (parents and siblings) before the other. That way we’ve been able to have the support of the other in relating to our families. Bob’s support through the deaths of each of my parents for example was absolute and vice versa. Personally I think that came from the strength of our commitment to one another and without that basic agreement things can get a little weird. It’s the same with our grown children, they are not in competition with my husband, which allows us together to make them a priority. I also expect each of my sons to make their own partners their first priority, and we encourage them to do so.We have awesome sons and though we cannot take all the credit, I think the above helped.
8. WE PUT PEOPLE AND TIME TOGETHER BEFORE THINGS.
I always told Bob “I’m a less homes, more gardens & travels kind of girl.” I only need enough home to create a home base from which to operate and leave my things. This might be because I’m a military brat who moved a lot. I have plenty of nice “things” and I love my home filled with family heirlooms and memories, but I’d rather collect experiences than things. Before we had kids I was a clean freak. I drove Bob nuts when anything was out of place. Well that doesn’t work so well with children, and I soon learned that spending time with husband and kids was more important than a spotless home. The dishes can wait until toddlers are in bed, guests leave, or you’ve had that glass of wine on the porch with your mate. We also made it more important to DO things together than to have the newest furniture or gadgets. I’d much rather spend money on a trip to Hawaii or Colorado than have a new sofa or floor, and fortunately he would too. I don’t remember all my sofa’s nearly as fondly as I do time spent traveling together as a family or couple. It’s the same with going out to eat. Though we’ve enjoyed many meals at many fine restaurants, I’d rather spend the money on a couple of tanks of gas and pack a picnic to eat on a mountain trail or sit at the rim of the Grand Canyon.Fortunately he feels the same way. Flowers? Absolutely, but this lady prefers a living plant I can stick in the ground! Adventures? Yes! We’ve had many big ones, in many countries, but it’s the weekly and monthly ones that keep us going. Time and experiences together are the most precious.
9. WE CULTIVATE GOOD MANNERS WITH EACH OTHER.
We say please and thank you. We say hello when we get home, good morning when we wake up, goodnight when we go to bed, and good by when we leave. We acknowledge each other. There are very few meals Bob hasn’t thanked me for, and there are very few chores I haven’t thanked him for. It sets the tone of mutual validation and appreciation and makes daily life so much more pleasant.
10. TIPS FOR THE LADIES:
I’m not a man, so these are merely the observations of a woman with a husband and two grown sons. Take it or leave it as you will.
A. It has been my observation that men don’t generally like unsolicited advice. I learned this the hard way. As wives and moms we’re so involved in solving everyone’s problems all the time that it becomes a habit to tell everyone what to do! since I’ve been a manager or executive most of my working life, this was especially hard to learn it does not work at home. I had to learn to remove from my vocabulary the words “I think what you should do is…..” and learn to ask instead “What do you think you should do?” or, “Do you need or want anything from me on this?” I actually practiced it in front of a mirror for awhile. It doesn’t matter if you’re right or you have the answer, that is simply not the point. It has no value unless they asked for it.
B. Conversely, I let my partner know when I DON’T want him to solve my problem but simply want to be listened to. Men usually feel compelled to solve things for us even when that’s not what we want. Well at least my men do. They don’t know when I just want to be heard and acknowledged if I don’t tell them.We gals talk an awful lot and I know for me, part of my working something out has to do with being able to talk to someone who will just listen. I had to learn to clue Bob into this, so now I let him know when I just want him to listen and let me know I’ve been heard but not try to solve something for me. He also now knows to ask first.
Thank you my love for being such a grand and steady partner and friend!
Note: Bob read this nodding and smiling I would never publish this if there was something he didn’t agree with, even though I AM the loudmouth in this partnership!!
To see more from Michele on life and art, visit her website: http://michelerossartist.blogspot.com/
Photo permission granted by Bob & Michele Ross
Any ethics training program that is offered, to be effective, must be composed of the various factors in correct decision making as well as how to live ethically and remain happy. While a sense of ethics is native to people, ethics training is still required to not only establish a clear set of rules, but to also debunk false ethical concepts that seem rampant in our world.
Why An Ethics Training Program Is So Beneficial
Individuals and companies that truly and clearly exemplify ethical values will gain trust, respect and more support. The advantages of ethical behavior and policy include:
- Higher revenues, due to a demand from positive consumer support.
- Improved brand and business awareness and recognition.
- Better employee motivation and recruitment potential.
- New sources of finance from ethical investors.
Any Ethics Training Program Addresses Core Issues
By definition, values reflect what you believe is “right and wrong,” not merely what you think is something you can get away with or is immediately advantageous. If you try to live core values based on how they will expedite your goals only, you will toss them overboard whenever they seem to be “impractical” or in the way. Disposable core values are not really core values at all. Business ethics involves developing and enforcing policy that align with a company’s core values and are not flexible from day to day. True core values are not something you compromise with based on that day or circumstance. They are so fundamentally a part of your company’s identity that you will not deviate from it in any situation.
Although I firmly believe that living core values promotes maximum business success—and my definition of business success includes profitability—I’ve observed that organizations that benefit most from living their core values tend to define success in light of their values. They’re working for rewards that are substantially greater than profitability alone.
We Offer A World Class Ethics Training Program
Athena Personal Development & Coaching is located in Orange County, CA and we cater to individuals, companies as well as families. Ethics courses and character education represent a core aspect of the services we deliver at our facility. Call us for a free consultation or visit our Google+ Local page.
The foundation of ethics coaching is the client’s structure of core values, identified through a process of study of the subject, looking at what is important to one, as well as the discovery of what are the core values that establishes the edges of our pathway to an ideal life. We achieve this by addressing core issues of ethics and then having each individual clearly establish a pattern to integrate these principles in everyday living.
What Is The Purpose Of Ethics Coaching?
In a world that is constantly asking itself, “What is right and what is wrong?”, that simple question can become more complex in the business world, as well as our overall experience in a fast paced society. The purpose of Ethics Coaching is simple: Living authentically in alignment to what is truthful, fair and with honest accomplishment. When one has and follows a code of ethics, one assures that one will walk a path of happiness.
Business Ethics & Ethics Coaching
A common reason why ethics coaching is sought is for application in the business world. Business ethics has grown into a world-wide concern with added complexity, with copyrights, identity theft and corporate espionage.
Investopedia defines Business Ethics as, “The study of proper business policies and practices regarding potentially controversial issues, such as corporate governance, insider trading, bribery, discrimination, corporate social responsibility and fiduciary responsibilities. Business ethics are often guided by law, while other times provide a basic framework that businesses may choose to follow in order to gain public acceptance.”
How Our Ethics Coaching Is Rendered
Our approach to ethics coaching is very personal, as well as confidential. We offer several courses as the core aspect of our coaching, so that we have established definitive concepts of what personal ethics are comprised of and how any individual can establish, with complete certainty, on what is right and what as wrong. Additionally, we help our clientele to spot a small percentage of people who drive one to make unethical decisions.
Contact us for a free consultation, or visit us at our Google+ Local page.
Alcohol detox treatment is an important issue to many people in Orange County, CA. Alcohol is the No. 1 abused substance according to local law enforcement officials. While illegal drugs tend to grab the headlines of the news, the biggest problem locally is alcohol abuse.
I believe that it is crucial to become aware of the warning signs of alcohol abuse & addiction. Helping someone to overcome their dependency on alcohol is not an easy task at all. As you may suspect, alcohol detox treatment can lead you on a long uphill battle because of various withdrawal symptoms. A person may even feel that it is impossible to achieve their addiction-free goal. However, with strong personal determination and proper guidance anyone can achieve a happier life by ridding themselves of debilitating addiction. I have been successful with such people applying what I have learned in conducting a successful alcohol detox treatment program.
A person who does abuse alcohol has a drinking habit that is generating various kinds of physical and emotional problems in their life. An addict continues to drink in spite of these problems. They have developed a mental and physical dependency. As you may already know, alcoholism can affect all aspects of a person’s life. Prolonged use of alcohol can cause extremely serious health issues and can affect virtually every organ of the body, including the brain. Quite frequently, addiction also ruins emotional stability, career, finances, and relationships with family and friends.
How I Help As A Life Coach
As a Life Coach in Orange County, CA, I have an extensive background in the field of drug & alcohol detox treatment. The vast majority of time, I have the person I am working with see a competent medical doctor. This is key to helping treat any physical ailments or diseases first. After we know we have competent medical assistance, I help the person to identify the underlying problem that led to alcoholism in the first place. This is necessary to help the person to get rid of his alcohol dependency for the long term. Those problems could be depression, unresolved issues from childhood, inability to deal with anxiety or business.
Call 714-264-4230 today for a free consultation, and find out how you can help someone you care about to overcome the struggle of alcohol addiction.
As a marriage counselor with over a decade of counseling experience, I offer Orange County, CA couples key insights. The key question is, “What do you do when a marriage is falling apart?” I have found in dealing with many couples that there are key basics that when addressed, open the door to a resolution.
Marriage Counseling is a type of counseling that specializes in getting to the root causes of the breakdown of the marriage. To accomplish this, we must isolate these causes while avoiding recriminations or how each other is blaming the other. The marriage counselor evolved out of traditional one-on-one therapy as a means of helping “the relationship” and those involved. Unfortunately, too many of today’s marriages yet end in divorce.
Seeking a competent and understanding marriage counselor has become a popular way couples can attempt to save their marriage. Research demonstrates the effectiveness of marriage counseling. Nevertheless, it still does require some commitment on the part of the individuals involved in order to be successful.
What Are The Most Common Marriage Problems Addressed?
Many times, couples have come to me for help with healing and recovery from affairs, communication problems and intimacy. Additionally, I have dealt with alcohol and drug addiction issues that very often wreaks havoc marriages.
It has been my experience in working with couples, that my unique type of counseling offers a completely thorough approach to rebuilding trust. Moreover, I teach new skills in the area of communication and relationship building that allows the couple to mend any future troubles. I help couples to discover how they can now move forward from whatever is troubling the relationship. If you are on the verge of a break-up, separation or divorce, I stand ready to be of any assistance for you and your spouse.
Call today for a free consultation, 714-264-4230.
Orange County, CA – As a small business coach and business owner, I know that challenges that face women who are attempting to start and run a small business of their own. What will make your experience easier, more fulfilling, as well as more profitable, is your ability to network with other professional business owners and small business coaches who have overcome the very challenges you now face.
There are quite a few benefits that a Small Business Coach can provide you when you are starting your own business in Orange County, Ca or anywhere for that matter. Some of the benefits may seem obvious, but some of the greater benefits to retaining a Small Business Coach are a bit more subtle, but even more beneficial to your bottom line.
“Over 85% of small and medium-sized businesses fail in the first five years. It is not just the tools; it’s the accountability that makes coaching work. Most business owners are not accountable to anybody.” says business expert, Richard Bernstein. With this type of accountability with your Small Business Coach, you now have to generate a high level of performance right out of the gate. Targets and goals no longer stay on your yellow pad or in your head. We translate them to immediate actions, and so results come about more rapidly. This relationship with your coach becomes a powerful generator for actions, results and profits.
The prime tools that I utilize when coaching go beyond goals, plans and marketing – although these are definitely part of our program. There are other elements, more personal, that are just as key to any business person’s success. Issues such as effective communication skills, building self-confidence and how to keep yourself motivated are just as crucial to small business success as anything else.
Most small business coaching programs start with a free consultation to see if coaching is what the entrepreneur or small business owner really needs. While the benefits to small business coaching are enormous, factually, it is not for everyone. Moreover, it is critical that the Small Business Coach and the business owner have a great connection and synergy, as this is about forming a long-term partnership for success. Any great Small Business Coach will tell you that coaching is about teamwork and forwarding mutually agreed upon goals, strategies and tactics.
As a Small Business Coach, I know I can offer you valuable assistance. Call me for a free consultation.
Imagine Courtesy of Queen Bee Consulting.
Life Coaching for women is unique, particularly when rendered by a fellow woman. Most coaching and personal development coaches and programs have tended to stress helping men in the work place, or excelling in a business world predominately managed by men.
As women, we often put upon ourselves a huge responsibility to take care of everyone that we love and cherish in our lives. It is so easy to service and assist our families, friends and even those at work. Yet, at the end of the day, there seems that you have very little energy left to give back so as to re-energize ourselves. If you are reading this right now, then it’s time to rejuvenate your body, mind, and spiritual power.
You are a completely unique and magnificent spiritual being with a purpose in life. And that purpose includes becoming happy and having relevance to the world and to yourself. I believe that you complete deserve the very best that life has to offer. You are worthy of living a life filled with loving and healthy relationships – with the most important one with self!
My life coaching program is designed around a women’s needs and a women’s requirements. The answer to any woman’s problems are not gimmicks or promises that you will change everything in 7 days. Just inspirational words and effective life-skills is what any woman needs to get them where they want to be. I focus exclusively on you and your unique issues. I’ll design a personalized programs tailored for you.
What Life Coaching Can Do For Any Woman:
- Gain possession of the tools you need to reduce stress and manage work.
- How to smooth out communication so as to improve relationships.
- The key elements to properly manage money and time effectively.
- How to cultivate greater self-confidene and thus success and abundance in all areas of your life.
- Obtain a plan of progress, versus only hope and chance. Happiness can be obtained when you understand.
- How to stay motivated towards a goal.
- Dealing with negative people.
- Gaining an understanding of why you do certain things that you later regret.
Life coaching today is becoming more and more utilized by women for business, personal success and improving relationships. Find out what life coaching can bring about in your life, in terms of positive, life-changing results.
When life takes a turn for the worse, or just makes an unexpected change such as a divorce, a new job or moving to a new location, having a Life Coach that can help you build self-confidence may be the difference for a smooth transition.
Although I work with both men and women, as a Life Coach i have tended to work mostly with other women. As a woman, a mother, wife and small business owner, I know the stresses that can surround one in life. Over the last 12 years I have been a practicing Life Coach that emphasizes our spiritual power and goodness. I am not about finding labels, excuses or reasons why life cannot be optimum or even a bit better to start out with.
Self-confidence is the key to turning around any bad situation in an area of life. While no one can completely prevent bad things occurring in life, self-confidence in ourselves and abilities is what we resort to to take on the most difficult of problems. As the Dalai Lama once said, “With realization of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.”
Self-confidence can be built with in a relatively short amount of time with some simple coaching techniques and tailored counseling to address core problems and their sources. These techniques are time-tested and simply need to be understood and applied. Application to real life situations is what I stress with all those wonderful women that I have an opportunity to help and to grow spiritually.
I believe quite sincerely that we have an infinite amount of ability. Moreover, it is my personal conviction that we have a purpose and a reason fro being here. What we do in today will resonate for the rest of our lives, as well as affect the lives and future of ourt family, our local community and event the world around us. To discount our value in this world is not what brings about our greatness and potential. We all deserve a life filled with abundance, fulfillment and love.